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Black Friday is a Fashionista’s Super Bowl. This non-traditional holiday is our day! It’s the biggest shopping day of the year and you have to be ready for it! Take a moment and read over this “Black Friday Survival Guide” for a safe and effective shopping spree.

Step One: Caffeine. You will need lots of stamina!

Step Two: Have a game plan! Know which stores you’re going to, what is sold where and for how much. Write down your list in the order of which stores open first and know the quickest route there. Know side streets too! Traffic may be a problem.

Step Three: Wear comfortable shoes! This is not the time to be cute. You may have to run for your life.

Step Four: Travel light. No need for a large purse. You will need to make yourself as small as possible in order to slide in between the masses.

Step Five: Don’t trip and fall. You could be buried alive.

 Step Six: Don’t stop to text your sister about how many Prada bags are left. Grab a quick picture if you must, but keep moving!

Step Seven: Elbows. This is your best defense!

Step Eight: Lock and Load. When you reach your desired sale item, grab and tuck! Keep the item close to your body then move to safety.

Step Nine: Retreat to the exit as quickly as possible. Regroup. Take deep breaths. There’s more shopping to do!

 Step Ten: Repeat steps 1-9.

Remember! You’re dealing with caffeine impregnated, shopping zombies, who are still coming down from a tryptophan buzz and they.don’t.like.you! Politeness is always my philosophy and I don’t think it necessarily needs to be thrown out the window in circumstances such as these. Just stay focused on the goal ahead of you, get in and get out, with as little contact as possible.

God speed.

For other great reads on survival be sure to check out: how to survive a zombie attack and How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack by Chuck Sambucino